How to Annoy Your Mentor. Avoid These Mentorship Mistakes

Mentoring is great. I get no greater joy than helping someone learn and grow in their career. Some of my favorite memories in my career have been from helping someone move up the ladder and achieve their career goals. There are very few things that are more fulfilling. However, there are things that you can do to annoy your mentor.

Mentoring someone can also be incredibly frustrating. I’ve had my fair share of mentees either intentionally or unintentionally taking advantage of our mentorship relationship which left me with a sour taste in my mouth. Understanding what frustrates mentors can ensure that you have a successful and fruitful mentoring relationship.

Here are a few surefire ways to annoy your mentor aka things to avoid!…

Not Truly Wanting a Mentor

I can tell within minutes of meeting with a new mentee whether they are truly looking for someone to mentor them or they are just doing someone their boss says they should do. If you don’t want a mentor, that is totally okay, but don’t waste your time and someone else’s. That is a quick and easy way to annoy your mentor!

Before you agree or seek out a mentor ask yourself “why?”. What do you hope to gain out of the mentorship? Do you have the time to allocate to the process? Are you able to commit and hold yourself accountable? If you can’t confidently answer these questions, hold off on getting a mentor and wait until the time is right.

Not Having Clear Goals for the Mentorship

I want my mentee to get everything they possibly can out of our mentorship relationship. For that to be the case, they have to know what they want. I’ve had so many people seek mentorship and not really know what they want. Are they seeking guidance in moving up in their career? Are they looking to master the position that they are in? Are they looking to develop their leadership acumen? Without the mentee having an understanding of what they are looking for, it is really hard for me to help them.

Check out this list of questions to ask your mentor!

Now, I’m not saying that I can’t help you identify your mentorship goals, but it really helps if you have at least a high-level understanding of what you are hoping to gain. And if you aren’t quite sure (maybe this is your first mentorship and you don’t really know what to expect), just ask. The sooner that I know, the more that I can help you.

Not Being Flexible

Your mentor’s calendar likely looks like a jigsaw puzzle, carefully and exhaustively pieced together. One of the very few things that your mentor will need from you is flexibility. Not that your schedule is any less important than theirs, but if they are taking the time to mentor you, do your best to make it easier on them schedule-wise. Sometimes this means coming in early for a pre-work coffee or a lunch hour touch-base.

If you need to reschedule, work with them to find a time that works best for them. Try to give them as much time as possible so they have time to move things around. In a nutshell, being respectful and sensitive to their schedule will be greatly appreciated by your mentor.

Expecting a Career Handout

It’s obvious that people seeking out a mentor do so in order to advance their careers or business. That’s a no-brainer. However, one of the most annoying things that you experience as a mentor is coming across a mentee that is only trying to use you for connections. I’ve had a couple of mentees who that think just because they participate in the company mentorship program, they are entitled to a bigger position.

I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to use a mentor relationship to move ahead. I’m just saying that your goal should be to develop skills and deepen your network in order to get a promotion, not just expecting one. It’s up to the mentee to own their own career and take charge, not just sit back and wait for something to be handed to them.

Not Being Prepared

One of the surefire ways to annoy your mentor is come to a meeting unprepared. For every meeting that you have with your mentor, you should have two things 1.) an agenda (that you can send over to your mentor before the meeting) complete with questions/topics that you would like to discuss 2.) A status update on any actions taken since the last meeting.

You don’t need to write out a formal proposal, a few bullet points will work just as well. The key is to make sure that you are prepared to make the most of your time together.

Not Taking Action

This one is hands down my biggest pet peeve as a mentor… I’ve had several mentees over the course of my career that have simply not wanted to put in the work to achieve their goals. We would have a good discussion, identify areas of action, and then nothing. The employee wouldn’t take action on what they committed to do. They would say that they got too busy and didn’t have the time, or worse yet, just forget.

Trust me, I get it, life gets crazy. I understand that things come up beyond your control from time to time. However, repeatedly not taking action demonstrates that you don’t really value your mentor’s time or advice. Mentors mentor because they want to help people learn and develop. Therefore, not taking action is a slap in the face for them. Take action every time (even if it is small action) and be the one to communicate that action.